Had a dream about an old friend… Took a few minutes to look them up on the o’l interwebs and I couldn’t be more proud of all they have done with their life.
A younger me would feel bad about not living up to his own potential, thinking that by comparison he has squandered his own single chance at existence. And it’s true, I have certainly failed my younger self, but I’m still here and I haven’t given up. I won’t give up and I will never stop remembering the amazing moments given to me by so many wonderful people. I also know a few things that younger me never even dreamed of!
I’m not sure why I became “a strange old hermit”, phased out of normal time as life rushed by, but sloshing under that dark cloud of my own making, lost and uncertain, eventually I found my arms stretched to the four lights of dawn who lovingly hovered about me. As from a terrible dream, filled with so much truth, I slowly awoke and accepted that I never stopped caring, I never stopped dreaming, and the only person who didn’t believe in me was… me.
My turning point was when I made Rescue Girlies for my girls in 2013 – I “just did it”, start to finish, on my own and on time, because, for the first time in forever, I believed in myself. It doesn’t seem like much, making a derivative computer game, but for me it was the unequivocal proof that, indeed, I am not a waste of life; Being a husband, being a father, being a son and a friend, are wonderful parts of my life, but achieving a difficult personal goal was like staring into the face of God – in that moment I believed.
In your own ways, I’m proud of all of you and I am thankful for the time you shared with me. Take a moment to be proud of yourselves too, because you deserve it, whether you believe it or not. But, believe… do everything you can to believe in yourself.